Its been 2 weeks since Hope was born. I still feel raw with pain and sorrow. The last 2 to 3 days have been especially painful. I can’t get her out of my mind. The birth, the way she gasped and moved her limbs, the guilt that my body let her down and made her die.
I don’t know how anyone gets through this. DH says take it one second at a time, so the seconds tick by, and I guess it is working.
I went to go see Dr. N yesterday to get his opinion. He agrees that it is Incompetent Cervix, but thinks that a cerclage (transvaginal) will be enough to save the next pregnancy. I asked him about a transabdomincal cerclage, in his words, “Its like killing and ant with a hammer.” He said if there is a family or friend that can be a gestational surrogate, then “that would be a gift from heaven.”
I feel bad for even thinking about trying again. I miss my Hope so much. I can’t wait for the day I get to meet her in heaven.