This weekend DH and I went back to DH’s hometown in Iowa to bury our baby girl Hope. It was hard, even getting on that plane was hard. Driving from Omaha to DH’s small town where he grew up was hard too. All the corn was planted and almost waist high by this time in August. The weather was gorgeous though, which was weird for me. All I did was cry on the way there.
We bought our plots in the town’s cemetary. DH’s family on both sides are buried there. DH and I decided to be buried there together too along with Hope.
The burial itself was very small and intimate. It was me, DH, DH’s mom, DH’s brother and wife and two kids. We had DH’s pastor from church say some words and prayers. Then DH, DH’s mom and I said some words about Hope. My words were more speaking to Hope directly. I thanked her for being strong and letting me get to meet her alive. I thanked her for holding my finger and showing me what a mom’s love is. I told her that I loved and missed her everyday and that I couldn’t wait to meet her in heaven. The pastor and rest of the family eventually left us alone with her, that is when I really broke down. I knelt next to her tiny vault and sobbed. I told her I was sorry, sorry that she would never experience life, never experience all that life has to offer, all the milestones and I listed them off. At that moment I wanted to be buried with her.
Eventually the sun came out from the clouds and it was so nice and sunny, not at all appropriate for a burial. I got up from my knees and knew it was time to go. I was also sad that Hope’s headstone would not be ready until October or so.
DH’s mom bought the prettiest, softest pink fleece blanket for Hope. We decided it would be nice to wrap her urn in it and put it together in the vault that would be buried. It was nice to know that Hope would be nice and warm during the cold Iowa winters.
I can’t believe that I buried my baby girl. I love and miss her so much.
Here is a picture of her tiny vault.
Rest in peace my precious baby girl Hope. I can’t wait to see you in heaven.